A Perfect Imperfection

     Not being the perfect blogger right out of the gate is frustrating. I had visions of starting right in with a fresh new post every morning before six. I wanted my readers to know from the very beginning that they could count on me to be as regular as clockwork. It has been an entire week and not only have I never posted before six, I have only posted two entries. Now the voices start in: I could be doing better. I should be doing better. Maybe I should just quit if I can’t do better.
     Facing our imperfection stings. We are all perfectionists at heart. In each of us, at least in certain areas of our lives, there exists that insidious voice that tells us we could be doing better. We want to be the perfect mother, the perfect chef, the perfect artist, the perfect blogger.
The drive to be better is not in itself a bad thing. Without it, there would be no invention of any kind. Humans would be just another animal, and one not very adept at survival. It is just when we start “should-ing” all over ourselves or telling ourselves to quit that the voice turns ugly. When imperfection is not tolerated, the quest for perfection comes to a grinding halt. How many times did Edison fail at creating the light bulb? I have heard it was upwards of 1000 times. If he did not have an extraordinary tolerance for failure we would all be sitting in the dark.
     As the old adage goes, practice makes perfect. And when we practice, we are often just awful at it at first. So in order to become really good at something, we must first be willing to be really bad at it. The trouble is, we care so much and have such vivid imaginings of the “perfect” end result, that it is often physically painful for us to see our efforts fall short of that mark. This is due to attachment to the end result. In order to find joy in the path of self-discovery, we must let go of such attachments. The act of doing should be the focus. Slow down. Breathe. Find the joy.
     But let us take a step back and examine this voice that doesn’t stand for flaws of any kind. Who is it trying to impress? Our spouse, our kids, our co-workers, other mothers, our parents (living or dead?) Who’s approval do we really need? In truth the only approval we really need is our own. But how do we get it when we are our own harshest critics? The only way is by expanding our capacity for compassion and turning that light upon ourselves. Ask yourself if it is true that you could be doing better. The answer is both yes and no. Yes, we always have the potential for improvement. But no, in this moment we are doing the best we can. How do I know you are doing your best? Because we all are. We are all doing the best we are capable of at any given moment. If you truly feel you are doing a half-assed job, then there is something holding you back from doing better. You are being held back by your emotional state, or your time management was such that you don’t have time to do a better job right now. Maybe there is some other obstacle in your way. In any case, you are still doing the best you can in the moment. Have compassion for the wonderful and flawed human you are who is doing the best they can.
     I will let you in on a little secret I learned in Moo Gong Do. You are already perfect. Flawless. The absolute best model you that ever existed. And you are imperfect. Think of a brand new 2011 car rolling off the assembly line. It is perfect. Flawless. So why would anyone ever make a 2012 version? Because there is always the potential for improvement. This is all imperfection is: potential! As long as we exist on this earth plane, there will always have unlimited potential for improvement. Thank God for our imperfection!