Embracing Our Fears

     Good morning to my three loyal followers! And greetings to all my new readers as well! A big "thank you" goes out to Tiffany for inspiring today's entry. The "gremlin of self-doubt" is a perfect little entity to discuss today, as I am intimately familiar with her.
     How do you view your fears and self-doubts? Are they gremlins like Tiffany's? I have called them many things over the years, none of them flattering: "the Shadow Self;" "the Secret Saboteaur;" and even more meanacingly, just "the S.S." I gave my fear the voice of a tyrant. Made it huge and scary and intimidating. And I have reacted to this huge scary fear with as powerful a resistance as I could muster. I've done some crazy things to try to kill it on the advice of certain well meaning "self-help" books. Two of the worst were pushing an imaginary button on my forehead to "stop the tape," and snapping a rubber band on my wrist every time I had a self-defeating thought. In the first case I merely looked silly, and in the second I was actually making things far worse. Not only was I not stopping my fearful thoughts, but I was also training myself to fear having a fear for fear of punnishment! What a mess. By resisting fear with all my might I was wasting a phenomenal ammount of energy and creating a state of constant conflict in my life.
     So how do we deal with fear if not to fight it? Just let it run rampant in our lives? No. Fear can have some very positive things to tell us. First of all, fear is like a flag that says "Alert! Potential for personal growth here!" If we face our fears and take action in spite of them, we break the chains that hold us back and we become far less vulnerable to that particular fear. But don't worry, another fear further down the path of self-actualization will find you and you will get the chance to grow again.
     Another lesson fear teaches us is about faith. We think "Part of me believes the world is a benevolent place, but I wish I had more faith. My fear gets in the way." The truth here is that we already have all the faith we need because fear is faith. Fear is faith that the worst will happen. Why is that good news? Think of fear as a stream of water. In reality it is a stream of energy, but it behaves like water for this analogy. If we try to stop the flow of water entirely will we be successful? Not likely. Even a small stream cannot be halted entirely. A dam will only create a giant reservoir of fear that will eventually overflow if we don't let it out. However, a stream can be re-routed. That faith in the worst can be re-routed into faith in the best with a little self-reflection. We must work on noticing the voice of fear, which is often soft and insidious, and then ask it a few questions. (These questions are adapted from Byron Katie's book I Need Your Love - Is That True?) First ask of your fearful thought "is that true?" For example: "I cannot afford to take that class." Is that true? Have you explored all of your options thoroughly? Can you not get financial aid? Is there no payment plan? Can you not borrow money from the bank or a friend or family member? What about a credit card? Is there somewhere else you could take the class for less? Do you really not have the money it takes to enroll? Or are you simply afraid you will run out of money later if you invest in the class? Can you possibly know that for sure? Next ask yourself how you react when you think this fearful thought. How do you feel? How do you act around others? Does this thought bring you comfort and joy and a sense that you are travling on the path of authenticity? Or do you feel closed off from life? Now imagine how you would feel if you absolutely couldn't feel that fearful thought. Feels pretty good, huh? Finally, turn the thought around: I can't afford not to take this class. Is there any reason the turnaround thought is less believable than the fearful thought?
   Fear is not a tyrant. Fear is the voice of your scared inner child. We must not be abusive parents, telling our fearful inner child to "shut up," We must not ignore it or lock it in a closet either. That child's voice is really just trying to protect you. Its methods are misguided, but its motives are pure. We must learn to hold that child with compassion.